adverseria

So we get to our destination airport. It’s hot. I forgot how hot the south is almost all the time. Their cold is another person’s hot. And the humidity makes people immediately look like Gene Wilder and wilts children faster than not getting the present they wanted on Christmas Day. Since we were doing this trip with others, we had to wait on them. The car rental place was in another county I think. It took about 10 minutes to get there from the airport. Naturally I was in trouble for having taken too long getting food with the children. The reason it took so long is because I have the world’s pickiest children who can’t even seem to eat at the same cruddy fast food joint. Number one son wanted a hamburger at the golden arches. Delightful daughter hates the chicken nuggets at the clown house. I have to agree with her. While the chicken strips there are pretty good, the nuggets are one of the worst things on the planet. It’s people I tell ya, chicken nuggets are made out of people. So we look at a sub sandwich place. They only have a toasted chicken. No way the kiddies will go for that. Then I look at a pizza place. Nope, $4 for a crappy slice of pizza aint going to cut it. Nowhere is there much of a healthy option. So we get the boy his Happy Meal and then we go to another chicken place to get the girl her nuggets. Only when we get them I completely forget that she doesn’t like them, because they are actually chicken and actually taste like chicken and not some weird type of breading product. Sigh. At least she drinks her lemonade, which is awesome and eats some waffle fries. That will keep the two going for awhile.

So we make the sojourn to the car rental place and of all things, they get us through quickly and out to our car. Naturally the car isn’t what we reserved, but it’s “something similar.” Seinfeld really was right, the rental agencies don’t seem to really understand reservations. They can take the reservations, but they can’t actually give you what you reserved. Why is that? Oh well, the car’s OK. Now we wait for our guests. Fifteen minutes later they show up and we shove everyone’s stuff in and go. Thankfully I don’t have to drive. I’m navigating and it’s dark. Bad combination. Getting out and on our way, we at one point turn into oncoming traffic. Once everybody’s heart starts beating again, it’s off to our destination. After about 5 miles we realize we’re going the wrong way. Thanks directions, I followed you correctly. So we flip around and head out. Now we’re on the right path. We drive for what seems to be 3 hours to our condo. When you are a visitor in Florida and driving at night, you feel like if you drive off the road you will be devoured by gators. That doesn’t deter my wife from driving very close to, or actually on, what passes for the shoulder though. Nope, she’s not scared, even though all the adults in the car are terrified.

We finally arrive in the town where we are supposed to be and of course we can’t find the place. So I get out and ask at a drugstore. We were on the right road, but it’s a long, winding road, so we get better directions. We’re back in the saddle. We even make it to the parking lot of the place. But they have many buildings, it’s dark out, and nothing is marked particularly well. At one point I’m trying my key in another place. I’m glad they didn’t have weapons in there. I may have killed the retired couple that lives there, who knows.

Finally, we’re in. Everyone looks around and it’s a big eh. My wife is nonplussed, and I’m thinking this is going to be a long week. It’s not that it’s bad, in fact, it’s pretty much how I pictured it, but it doesn’t seem worth it for the fee we paid to rent it for the week.

And then, morning comes. Out over the balcony, a pool sits no more than 30 feet away. One hundred yards beyond that the surf is rolling in! We’re on the ocean baby. Now the place seems like the Taj Mahal and everyone’s attitudes take a 180. This will be good.

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